I am lucky that I have psoriasis

Ever experienced waking up at 04:00 because your electric fan is slowly spinning? May I also remind you that it is summer season here in the Philippines and you would sweat without the need of moving. So I decided to turn on my laptop and write what's on my mind. I would say, I am lucky, being a transgender is not easy, also you have to pass the accepted type of transgender for you to be accepted in the society. However, I am not that type. I mean I was. I am already 31 years old and I can see the bad effects of my bad decisions. I am suffering from psoriasis since I was 15 or 16 years old. My parents don't have an idea about it and our money is limited to basic needs: but not to sustain my needs to go to a doctor and seek assistance. Fast forward to 2009, it became severe. Since I already have a decent job and a health card, I went to a doctor to consult. The doctor mentioned that all medicines that I'm taking are just temporary but it won't permanently cure it. So I did not make any research about it and continued using topical creams, without realizing that my skin is getting thin. I became upset about the situation too, knowing that I won't be able to join beauty pageants anymore, shoot scenes as an extra on some tv shows, or wear even wear dresses that I like most. I ignored the situation because inflammation is just repeating no matter how many times I tried applying creams. I know I should have gone back to my doctor and asked for a second opinion. But I didn't because I always think that they're just a waste of my money. I gained weight, maybe because of the stress that it is giving me. Because of using too many topical creams without stopping it, my stretch marks are becoming visible because my skin is getting thin. Imagine a person having a cute face with a body full of red stretched marks. It's crazy, but it's true. Until now, my stretch marks are visible, my psoriasis is going on and off. But I already accepted the fact that I won't be able to see myself in the mirror again like I used to. It's a matter of accepting that it won't heal completely. However, sometimes you wish that you could be free wearing the swimsuits without being judged by other people. Or at least wear a mini skirt, or wear appropriate clothes when it is summer. I am tired of wearing long sleeves, to be honest, wear long pants even I just needed to buy small stuff outside. You might say that my problem is not that extreme. But try to remember your first acne when you were a teenager and your friends invited you to an important event. Some of you might say that everyone is beautiful, yes Christina Aguillera mentioned that on her song "Beautiful". But you wouldn't know unless you have this. The fact that you will have a hard time looking for a person to accept you for being you. There might be guys who would and you will say you are blessed, but the question is "until when"?. But why did I say that I am lucky? Because maybe if I don't have psoriasis, I won't be a pity for those who have skin problems. I am lucky because if this psoriasis went to a person who happens to be a pessimist, he will blame his parents for inheriting it. I am lucky because whenever I think that this is my biggest problem, I remember those people who haven't eaten in a day. It is hard but I would say I am thankful that the situation gave me the courage to fight more and encourage others to put their head up high. If there is a chance that someone who has the same situation might be reading this. Tell yourself that "I am lucky that I have psoriasis". We never wanted this to appear on our skin, but it was given to us because we are strong enough to handle it.