Overthinking

A week ago, my student and I were having a free conversation about our ex. That made me curious about my ex-boyfriend, who I broke up with last May 25, 2020, because I found out that he has another girl. If you read the story about my ex-boyfriend with who I had an open relationship. That's him.

So for those of you who are judging early, he never cheated on me because technically we are open to having a partner because he is not ready to be committed with someone who happened to be transgender. In the Philippines, it is normal for a guy to have a transgender girlfriend in the past, and ended up having a wife in the end because they wanted to have kids on their own.

Going back to my curiosity, after so many months of not checking his profile I intentionally stalked his Facebook account and found out that he is already friends with my transgender friends too! I was mad at first, thinking about why he still add transgenders on his Facebook account if he really wanted to settle his life. That got me thinking a lot of things and I ended up being paranoid.

For some reason, I have this belief that I don't want my ex-boyfriend to be passed on to another transgender woman. I'd rather see him being happy with another girl. So when I saw that scenario on his Facebook account, that got me mad. That got me thinking that I wasn't enough and I felt the insecurity. It made me feel useless for the past two days. My students asked me to talk to him or talk to my transgender friend. I told them that I don't want to do it because I think I already know the answer. Seeing that scenario is already my conclusion to my hypothetical questions.

But God is so good, he wanted me to see the answers without the need of asking questions. Yesterday, his photo with a girl appeared on his Facebook account, tagged by I believe his girlfriend. When he and I were together, I already had a hunch that she was the other girl. Finally, they came out publicly, they look happy together. I was right. She was the girl that I was jealous of when were together. And I close that can of worms about my transgender friends because based on the photos and videos posted, he is with a real girl.

You all might think that I am bitter about him, but NO. I miss him but I never wished him back. Because ever since we dated, we were open to each other about not being together forever. And if that expectation was set on a certain relationship, the reality won't be messed up. That's why when I broke up with him, I was mad at first because I want him to tell me as soon as possible. But he never did, he wanted to manage his time for the three of us and I told him that I can't be in between of a relationship because it was not part of the deal. The deal was to leave me once he found somebody else. It's been a while since the last time we talked. And seeing that photo made me feel free.

I am thankful that I experienced the life of being a girlfriend because of him. He treated me well when we're together. He was never shy of me when we're in public. He was proud of holding my hands, kiss, and hug me in front of everyone. But we know for a fact that we can't fight a losing battle because we both know that we won't last for long.

If he's reading this, I want him to know that I am happy for him. I just overthink when I saw my transgender friends are also linked to his account.

Lesson? I won't say don't overthink because it is impossible for humans not to feel that. I mean it's okay to feel that way but you have to know the right questions to find the right answers. Sometimes, you need to make an effort to do it, but most of the time you don't. As they say, "NO MESSAGE is considered A MESSAGE." so it's up to you if you want to unveil the answers to your questions or not.

Stay happy everyone!