When you are not the only one

Open relationships, a subjective topic for everyone. Some say it works for them, others believe that relationships should be monogamous. I respect everyone's opinion, but for me, I just don't know if it will work for me.

I just got back to a relationship sometime in February, he was crying out loud and asked me back after leaving me for almost two months. He said he still loves me and I appreciate that. The fact that he said he left me because he doesn't want me to be his responsibility. He is still holding back because he is a straight guy and he wanted to get settled with a real woman in the future. Believe me, I always see future with him but since he set an expectation that we can't be together forever, I told him I can handle it and let me know when there's a new one. He also said that he will be happy if I found a new boyfriend.

Fast forward, we continue to do things we do, Go out on a date, be with each other. Prepare documents together. Eat together and eat each other on the next level. He's proud to hold my hand and kiss me in front of other people, he was never ashamed that he is dating a transgender, but he wanted to stay private on our social media accounts.

But we all know that secrecy is behind the word privacy. From what I understand, privacy is like shaving your balls in the bathroom. On the other hand, playing your balls while having guilt with your partner is what you call secrecy.

Well I understand why he wanted me to be kept from his family because his family wanted him to have a family and kids.

It hurts so bad that you just want to leave him, but part of me wanted to stay because I love him.

We have this instinct that you are not the only one, but you can't say that he is cheating on you because you signed up in a situation where you will be left behind when he is done with you.

You may say I am stupid and I never said I am not. I may be selfish but I just wish that I am a real woman for him to completely love me without the need of being kept in the dark.

Now, I found out that he may be dealing with another girl, I just don't know how to handle the situation. I hope I won't do anything stupid.

Why do I always wait for the guy to leave me?